She Takes Crazy Pills, I take Vitamin C

It seems the way that all blogs start are a little about the author, and what the heck the blog is going to be about. I've often wondered, does the first post determine the longetivity, the audience, or the reach of the blog? Well I'm not sure it matters in the long run, but I need a small place to call my own. Where I can write down my thoughts and feelings and possible celebrate a few triumphs.

Ladies and Gentleman.. this blog is about infertility. Specifically male-factor infertility and from the male point of view. I'm Me, just turned 33 and mostly, but not entirely, infertile. She's Peapod, I won't tell you her age, and we've known each other for 5 years and every day has been wonderful.

My wife and I have been married 3+ years. Like most couples we wanted to spend a couple of years settling down and then get to work having kids. We received our MBA degrees, moved 600+ miles away from friends and family and started our life together. We bought a large house in the suburbs anticipating kids and then.... nothing.

16 months ago, we made the decision to stop birth control and expected to start planning baby showers, painting rooms in calming yellow, and assembling cribs. The months passed, close friends got pregnant and we kept trying. Every time she was tired for more then a day in a row we would become hopeful and... nothing. She cut out soda, coffee, and sushi and started taking pre-natal vitamins and... nothing.

6 months ago we finally gave in, we had tried for 10 months and Peapod had learned to pee on numerous strips, sticks, and plastic doo-dads. Peapod was getting close to "that age when fertility starts to decrease" and after several invasive procedures she was declared all clear. Then I did my first incredibly uncomfortable semen analysis (more on that in another post) and spent the next week being incredibly impatient.

Then that awful phone call. I could use metaphors like "it struck me like a lightning bolt" or "it swept me under like a tidal wave", but truthfully it was worse than that and cliches do not explain how awful that experience was. The results shook me to the core.. low total number of sperm, low motility, and worse yet.. 100% defects. I was that most pathetic character in the rom-coms.. the man who can't get his wife pregnant.

What makes this worse is that I really didn't expect this. I'll go into more details later, but I was positive I was fertile. Sure I'm short, I can get my haircut with Friar Tuck, and my six pack was closer to a party ball but I always knew that at least I was fertile... except now I wasn't.

As promised I'll post more later, but a few months later brings us to today. Today my hands trembled as I injected my wife with Ovidrel. I hate and fear needles with an almost phobia like intensity. I've learned to suck it up for the myriad necessities of modern medical medicine, but giving Peapod a shot? Ugh.. awful.

My hands shook, she jumped a tiny bit as the needle pierced the skin on the top of her thigh, and the deed was done. The part that bothers me the most about this is the lack of options to treat my condition and the crazy things Peapod has to go through. As the title says, Crazy Pills for Her, Vitamin C for Me.