In Limbo, an update

Sorry for the silence recently, too much family drama to take the time to sit down and write out what's been going on. Have at least 4 days worth of postings that I'll have to manage to squeeze into one. Family member is doing better and thanks for everyone's comments on how to cope.

However, since this blog is about infertility, back to the show.

Originally, I was planning on writing a snarky letter to women's favorite aunt. I was going to go into detail on that as much as it's great AF visits, she surely has a sense of humor. What a sense of humor too, wicked as all get out especially during IF treatments! Think about it, just as you get the one thing you really don't want to see you also get a fun rush of hormones and discomfort!

However, this was a weird cycle for Peapod. Instead of her normal menstrual flow she gets strange brown spotting. Sidenote... as a guy, I must admit hearing about her cycle still makes me feel uncomfortable, but I want to be supportive and helpful and so I just squirm a bit instead. The brown spotting proceeded slowly and heartbreakingly into red flow and put both of us into a pretty deep funk. I had a rotten time at work the next morning and just wanted to run away from all the stress and heartache and I know my wife did too.

We both mourned this IUI cycle quite a bit. We were, probably like most couples, overly optimistic on our first IUI treatment. After all she had pregnancy symptoms! She wants bacon, wow that's weird she hates bacon, maybe she's pregnant? She feels slightly nauseous, wow that's weird she's never nauseous, maybe she's pregnant? Her boobs grew larger, jackpot!, maybe she's pregnant? All that hope dashed by the arrival of an emergency run into Target for pads and other feminine hygiene products.

Peapod calls the fertility center, gets her meds refilled and we get ready to start the crazy pills again. Peapod in a fit of paranoia, stubbornness, or divine inspiration decides to take a non-digital pregnancy test just one more time. So the morning before she is about to start clomid, she pees on a stick as I make my lunch in the kitchen and get ready to go to work.

The results? The faintest shadow of a pink line. WTF!?!? What does that even mean! Why do women's bodies just really want to confuse the heck out of them?
So in a fit of stubbornness Peapod goes in for a blood test on Thursday morning just to verify that we both aren't crazy.

Around 3:30pm I get a call from Peapod with the verdict. There is indeed an HCG level but it's very low; only a 13. I'm suddenly elated and of course confused (see there is a theme!) what does 13 mean? Why did she have her cycle and is that why it was so short? What is going on? However, the despair has lifted, after all something worked even if it doesn't stick. Why did she have a cycle and is still pregnant? (answer: major implantation bleeding from an embryo that either didn't stick or has had a tough time sticking)

Now begins another waiting game. Do the HCG levels keep rising? Am I in for comforting my wife's broken heart if her real cycle starts one morning? Are we pregnant? It feels like we're in limbo, half way between heaven and hell.