Infertility, the Thief of Joy

No Aunt Flo hasn't plagued Peapod and I yet. We're still waiting with a blood test tomorrow to see if HCG has risen. However, I had a sudden realization that I'm sure everyone else who has been in this situation before us has had. Infertility really steals the joy from a possible pregnancy.

If Peapod and I were a "normal" couple the moment we saw a faint line we would have celebrated. We would have told a few family members and friends and then started planning a trip to the OBGYN. The fear that this is all a giant psych out would probably not have entered out minds.

Instead of being joyful, we're now fearful and fretful. Every time my wife uses the bathroom, I feel terror in the pit of my stomach. Will this be the time? Will there be tiny red spots that means we've hit the end? When do I stop fretting? If the results are good can I then feel joy? Or do I start the next waiting period to 12 weeks when it's "safer" to feel hope?

Thanks to infertility issues, I am no longer ignorant of the perils of pregnancy, but I fear that it has stolen my joy in the possible pregnancy.